REW

Motivation

2011-09-15T06:48:00.003-05:00

Recently, my motivation has been severely lacking. And by recently, I mean the last 6 months. I manage to get my work done but not much else. Every Monday morning I reaffirm my commitment to a 6-day practice, then come Wednesday I'm so overwhelmed (and if I'm being totally honest, making a myriad excuses that run on a loop) and end up working right through practice. And then the guilt comes. And it's a never-ending cycle.

This is a new, not-so-cool side of me. I've always been the hyper focused, super driven, crazy motivated person. Now, not so much. I can't even get myself to practice 3 days a week, let alone 6. But yet my physical and mental health *require* a daily yoga practice.

Arg.

Harder than I remember

2011-09-09T09:03:00.002-05:00

This whole writing-a-blog-post task is way harder than I remember. I guess I should thank Facebook and Twitter for conditioning me to boil my life down to 140 characters. Remember the days when we wrote something and didn't abbreviate to the point of incomprehensibility? Remember the days we just called someone out of the blue (rather than texting first, because calling someone willy-nilly is considered rude)?

I'm not sure what's gotten into me lately, but I've been feeling rather nostalgic. Maybe it's because I've been feeling drifty, like there's nothing - or not enough - weighing me down. Of all the careers I've had (and I've had my share), owning my own business is by far the hardest. At least on my psyche. I often think about how much easier/better/saner it would be if I brought in a partner. But as much as I need someone to keep me tethered and away from the edge, I love the fact that I answer to absolutely no one but myself. It's kinda nice. And I don't know if I'd ever be able to work for someone else again.

So, anyway, back to drifting. I guess that I need to recondition my writing muscles. That would be easier if I could think of a single thing to write about that wouldn't bore the pants off everyone, myself included.

A little hiatus

2011-09-07T10:30:00.003-05:00

Wow, it's been awhile since I last blogged. A couple lifetimes ago at this point. I don't even know where to start. What's happened in the intervening 2 years? What hasn't? I quit my law job. I moved, then moved again, then moved again - to a tiny little Brooklyn brownstone apartment I adore. I started a business (for reals). I got gay married (Thanks, NY!) I experienced my first (and hopefully last) tornado. I went to Costa Rica and fell in love with it. I toyed around with the idea of going back to India and then stayed put. I let my ashtanga practice falter, then completely halt, and am now picking up the pieces, dusting myself off, and starting again at square one. Kinda like this blog.

My spouse (she needs a new blog name) has been gently nudging me for awhile to start blogging again. I figure I'll slowly ease back into it. Not sure if this will be an ashtanga-based blog or intermittent diary or something else entirely. For now, it is what it is.

trapeze!

2009-01-24T16:29:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone,

I will be performing in Ruby Streak Trapeze Studio's Springtime Showcase at The Bushwick Starr Theater (directions here) ** February 7, 2009 ** Showtimes: 7pm, 9pm ** Tickets available at the door for just $15. Please come and share this special night with me! A work-in-progress video of my piece is below:

international human rights day

2008-12-10T15:34:00.001-05:00

pink

2008-12-06T18:44:00.001-05:00

i *love* pink's new song, sober. the lyrics are raw, vulnerable, and brutally honest. and the video is smokin:

keith olbermann on Prop 8

2008-11-11T08:07:00.000-05:00

November 10, 2008:

why gay marriage is important

2008-11-06T16:36:00.003-05:00

on june 29, 2005, spain became the fourth nation in the world to offer legal marriage to same-sex couples. the prime minister eloquently stated why this right to marry is so important:

Today, my government definitively submits for Senate approval the Bill, modifying Civil Law, [to] recognize today in Spain the rights of same-sex couples to enter in a marriage contract. Before Spain, they allowed this in Belgium, Holland, and, as of two days ago, Canada. We have not been the first, but I assure you that we will not be the last. After us, there will be many more countries motivated, honorable members, by two unstoppable forces: freedom and equality.

It is just a small change to the legal text, adding but a paragraph, in which we establish that marriage will have the same requisites, and the same rights, when the couple is either of different sexes, or the same sex. It is a small change in the letter of the law that creates an immense change in the lives of thousands of our fellow citizens.

We are not legislating, honorable members, for a far away and unknown people. We are extending the opportunity for happiness to our neighbors, co-workers, friends, and our families: at the same time, we are making a more decent society, because a decent society is one that does not humiliate its members.

In the poem “The family” our poet Luis Cernuda lamented:

“How does man live in denial, and how in vain
By giving rules that prohibit and condemn.”

Today, Spanish society responds to a group of people that for years have been humiliated, whose rights have been ignored, whose dignity has been offended, and whose identity and freedom has been denied. Today, Spanish society grants them the respect they deserve, recognizes their rights, restores their dignity, affirms their identity, and restores their freedom. It is true that they are only a minority, but their triumph is everyone’s triumph. It is also a triumph of those who oppose this law, even as they attempt to ignore it, because it is the triumph of freedom. This victory makes all of us a better society.

...

Aware that some people and institutions profoundly disagree with this legal change, I wish to say that like other reforms to the marriage code that preceded this one, this law will not generate bad results, that its only consequence will be to avoid senseless suffering of human beings. A society that avoids senseless suffering of its citizens is a better society.

...

With the approval of this Bill, our country takes another step in the path of freedom and tolerance that was started by the democratic Transition. Our children view us with incredulity when we tell them that many year ago, our mothers had less rights than our fathers, or we tell them that people had to stay married against their will.... Today we can offer them a beautiful lesson: every obtained right and liberty has been the result of the struggle and sacrifice of many people of whom we must recognize and be proud.

Today, we demonstrate with this Bill that societies can better themselves, and can cross barriers and create tolerance by putting a stop to the humiliation and unhappiness. Today, for many, comes the day evoked by Kavafis a century ago:

“Later was said of the most perfect society
someone else, made like me,
certainly will come out and act freely.”

yes he did, and no we didn't

2008-11-05T10:55:00.006-05:00

wow. what a tumultuous election season. barack obama will be our 44th president. i can't even put into words how proud, excited, happy that makes me. for the first time i cast a vote for someone i truly believe in, rather than voting for someone who was simply less bad than the alternative. wow. barack obama will go down in history as one of the _great_ leaders and orators of our time. i look forward to celebrating his birthday with a national holiday and having my grandkids read his speeches in their history classes. i look forward to the fact that there will (hopefully) still be a world for potential grandkids to inhabit. change is here!

BUT.

FL. AZ. AR. CA. every single state passed hateful, discriminatory measures yesterday.

arizona passed an amendment to alter the constitution's definition of marriage as a privilege reserved only for straight people.

arkansas passed a proposition that says gays can't adopt or foster kids.

florida passed an amendment that not only outlaws gay marriage, but any substantive gay partnership that comes with legal protections or rights. thanks, florida.

but california's prop 8, which takes away the fundamental right of same-sex couples to marry as granted by the state's supreme court earlier this year, actually passed. i am really f-ing angry that a majority of california voters would deny gay couples the same dignity, respect, protection, and equality that other couples ~~enjoy~~ are afforded, and have been for the past 5 months. come on, california. i thought you were better than that. look what company you are keeping. in this election you effectively joined hands with the ultra-conservative bible belt in a very unholy matrimony.

VOTE!

2008-11-04T12:29:00.002-05:00

please, please remember to vote.

and if you are in california, PLEASE vote no on prop 8 and yes on prop 2.

election day

2008-11-03T10:15:00.001-05:00

music

2008-10-16T09:19:00.004-05:00

rusty, first-thing-in-the-morning video:

musical chairs

2008-09-26T05:47:00.001-05:00

guess i'm banking with chase now.

colbert

2008-09-06T12:02:00.001-05:00

i love stephen colbert:

queer studies

2008-08-24T13:18:00.001-05:00

an informative, tongue-in-cheek gay education video. enjoy:

2008-07-22T18:26:00.003-05:00

so, the new apartment is awesome in so many ways. cheap, big, sunny, close to yoga (15 min), close to prospect park (5 seconds), close to the co-op and central library, friends within walking distance.

there's only one teensy tiny little drawback.

the.

neighbors.

i want to kill them.

i dream about them suddenly going mute, their television disappearing, their clonkity clappity stomping ceasing forever.

i'm not usually so violent. in thought or deed. however, i've NEVER had such loud, obnoxious, freakin infuriating neighbors before. i contemplate neighborcide on a daily basis.

i'm going to try to hold out for them to move before i snap.

hooked

2008-07-10T16:08:00.001-05:00

i'm offically hooked on six feet under.

happy anniversary

2008-07-01T05:28:00.003-05:00

the gurlfriend and i celebrate 11 years today. wowee. we have now officially survived my twenties! to celebrate, she's taking her very first static trapeze lesson with me!!!

my week in seattle was really lovely. met lots of friendly new folks, enjoyed gorgeous weather, hung out with the parents, ate lots of good food. two favorite things to do: volunteer park, arboretum's japanese garden. favorite coffee place: zoka's in the university area. favorite fake-meat restaurant: bamboo garden (the food is *totally* worth the plane ride).

first week

2008-06-16T15:16:00.004-05:00

1 full week of blackberry-free living. does a body good.

haven't done much at all this last week, except walk around in circles feeling like i'm missing something. i'm having a harder time unwinding during this permanent vacation than i did on shorter vacations. odd.

nyc is a sweat lodge and i love it. headed to chilly seattle next week to see the folks, so i need to bank as much heat as i can. i'm perennially cold, as is seattle, but here's hoping it hits 70 while i'm there.

have a few potential trips floating around. dublin, montreal, perhaps india again.

nearing the end

2008-06-02T09:21:00.001-05:00

last week of work. wow.

storytime

2008-05-14T08:39:00.003-05:00

my life feels completely chatotic. in the next two weeks i will: (1) turn 30, (2) move to brooklyn, (3) quit my job - for real this time. keeps life interesting, that's for sure.

someone emailed me this story and i thought i'd share, as it seems particularly appropriate for me these days:

A violent samurai who was known for picking fights for no reason at all arrived at the door of a Zen monastery and asked to speak to the master.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Ryokan came out to meet him.

“They say that intelligence is more powerful than strength,” said the samurai. “I wonder if you could explain to me the meaning of heaven and hell.”

Riokan remained silent.

“You see?” roared the samurai. “I could explain that very easily: to show what hell is, all I need to do is beat someone up. To show what heaven is, just let a person go free after menacing him a lot.”

“I don’t argue with stupid people like you,” said the Zen master.

This made the samurai’s blood boil. His mind was filled with hatred.
“Now, that is hell,” said Ryokan, smiling. “Letting yourself be angered by silly things.”

The monk’s courage disconcerted the warrior, and he relaxed.

“And that is heaven,” added Ryokan, inviting him in. “Not reacting to silly provocations.”

here's hoping i can keep my inner turmoil in check over the next few weeks.

6/6

2008-04-16T08:57:00.001-05:00

d-day. in more ways than one.

jay leno: hate isn't funny, dude

2008-03-27T13:51:00.009-05:00

jay, the gay jokes. not funny. not in the least. jeff whitty -- the writer of avenue q -- knows this and even wrote you a letter about it.

but you kept at it. more recently, after you asked guest ryan phillippe to look into the camera with his "gayest look" (pretending that the camera was his "gay lover" who had "just ridden in shirtless from wyoming") whitty wrote him again, sharing his own "gayest look" (and links to others', several of whom were killed for those oh-so-funny "gay" looks). i'm sure the look on my girlfriend's face when she was being chased down the street by men with baseball bats was *priceless*. i'll see if we can recreate it for one of your comedy skits.

someone else who thinks you aren't nearly as funny as you do started a website dedicated to sharing our personal gayest looks. check it out.

trapeze!

2008-03-18T13:48:00.001-05:00

a friend took a video of saturday's performance:

night of renegades

2008-03-11T09:15:00.002-05:00

a friend and i are showing a work in progress this saturday (march 15) at 7pm at the LAVA studio's night of renegades. it's an original composition on two static trapezes (not flying trapeze) and it would be great if you could be there! info is below.

-----------------------------------------------

LAVA presents Night of Renegades
Saturday, March 15th, at 7:00 p.m.
At the LAVA Studio --- FREE!
Come let your love light shine!

Night of Renegades is an informal performance series at the LAVA Studio, organized by Molly Chanoff of LAVA. We invite you to come and perform anything you want or come and support others in performing anything they want. Email Molly at molly@lavalove.org for more information or to sign up to perform.

LAVA's community programs are supported by funding from Brooklyn Arts Council and the New York Department of Cultural Affairs.

LAVA Studio
524 Bergen Street (between 6th Ave and Carlton)
Brooklyn, New York 11217

Take the 2 or 3 to Bergen St, the B or Q to 7th Ave, or any of the Atlantic Avenue subways.

v day

2008-02-12T11:24:00.000-05:00

valentine's day is quickly approaching. the holiday when hearts, chocolate, teddy bears abound. when love and marriage are universally celebrated.

it also happens to be smack in the middle of the eleventh annual freedom to marry week. click here to get involved or to learn more about the issues.

disturbing

2008-02-05T17:01:00.000-05:00

my mom just sent me this article. i have so many competing comments clunking around in my head, it's probably best if i simply post the link.

yoga is a joke

2008-01-25T13:50:00.000-05:00

in the middle of practice this morning, i embraced my inner comedian and came up with a stream of a terribly silly jokes. which are totally not worth repeating. but the punchline -- a holy roller -- still makes me chuckle.

however, i will share this quote from ursula le guin's latest annals of the western shore novel: "freedom is largely a matter of seeing that there are alternatives."

happy friday.

solomon and dora

2008-01-14T15:14:00.000-05:00

my cousin sent me this photo of my great-great grandparents. it was taken at the turn of the 20th century shortly after they arrived in nyc from kiev via a short stayover in argentina courtesy of baron de hirsch:

aren't they a handsome couple?

in search of a good book

2008-01-03T10:37:00.000-05:00

the shortened work week has me completely befuddled. yesterday i *swore* it was monday, while i have to keep reminding myself that today is not friday. i'm starting off the year right, by throwing away those useless titles we bestow upon days. or something like that.

i'm also shopping for a new life-altering book. nothing has really touched me since i finished the book thief. any suggestions?

happy new year.

what a freakin month

2007-12-13T08:53:00.000-05:00

this month has been something else. i don't know if i've ever worked so many hours or missed so many practices. i feel like my head is unattached to my body. and that my body turned into a 90-year-old's overnight. everything creaks, aches, pops.

and, i totally busted my whole noncomsuption plan because i've been getting home too late to make food.

thank *goodness* vacation is just around the corner.

i do get to attend this luncheon today. should make for some exciting celebrity-watching.

2007-11-30T10:31:00.000-05:00

i generally try to stay as unattached to material goods as i can. but, i am in love with some gorgeous boots:

aren't they lovely?

vacacion

2007-11-19T09:08:00.000-05:00

the gurlfriend and i just bought our (exorbitant!) tickets to seattle for late december. we're flying somewhat funky dates because the dates i originally wanted would have cost a whopping $850. per ticket. since when did domestic travel become more expensive than international?

speaking of international travel, my plans for india this january fell through. i'm really bummed, but that's life. we're planning a february jaunt to the dominican republic as consolation.

ouch

2007-11-13T15:42:00.001-05:00

the 2007 manhattan rental market statistics were just released.

the average price for a studio: $ 1,978
the average price for a 2 bedroom: $ 3,763

the vacancy rate for apartments of all sizes in manhattan: 0.86 percent

oy. the gurlfriend and i have to move in march. not looking forward to trying to find something we can even remotely afford.

read me

2007-11-08T09:16:00.000-05:00

rarely am i as moved by a story as i've been by the book thief. the last book that moved me this way was the time traveler's wife. the book thief has gripped me more deeply, though.

markus zusak weaves a heartbreakingly beautiful story about leisel, a young german girl growing up in a small town outside munich during world war ii. the story is narrated by Death, a sardonic character who sees the world in colors. rich, velvety colors: "the horizon was the color of milk. cold and fresh. poured out among the bodies."

as the ny times book review quotes, "at its most effective, the book's tone can be terrifyingly matter of fact. 'For the book thief, everything was going nicely,' Death observes, as the extermination camps flourish in the summer of 1942. 'For me, the sky was the color of Jews.'"

for a list of book reviews click here. and please read the book. you won't regret it. but you also won't be able to let go of the characters. at least i haven't.

i didn't think it was possible,

2007-10-23T11:57:00.000-05:00

but i have found something more paining (and bruising) than ashtanga.

static trapeze.

so of course that means it's my new hobby. yoga in the morning. pretzely, gravity-defying adventure in the evening. in agony and exhausted all the time.

but it is SO worth the suffering.

the uglies

2007-10-04T12:04:00.000-05:00

i recently devoured, and highly recommend, scott westerfeld's uglies trilogy. the books -- the uglies, the pretties, the specials -- fall within the teen fantasy fiction genre that comprises the bulk of my reading; however, the philosophical and social commentary are more than enough to keep any adult occupied. and thinking. and wondering if there's more reality than fantasy to the premise.

go to your nearest library and check them out today!

a true new yorker

2007-10-01T09:42:00.000-05:00

this article in the ny times about city sidewalk cafes is hysterically spot on. the author obviously is a true new yorker. take the following excerpt:

New Yorkers have a highly evolved, unrivaled knack for glossing over the limitations, absurdities and dubious habitability of an unforgiving metropolis.

They walk into a friend’s 545-square-foot two-bedroom (one bath, no tub) and stammer: “Just $4,965 a month for this?” They walk into the Spotted Pig at 5:55 p.m. on a Tuesday night and exult: “Only a 90-minute wait?”

And they sit in a sidewalk cafe — sirens blaring, vagrants swearing and jackhammers jittering all around them — and sigh: “It’s so relaxing to soak up the street life.”

this really might be a city filled with 8 million slightly insane folks, but no place feels as frenetically homey as my beloved manhattan. except maybe brooklyn. but that's pushing the outer limits.

back to that 545-square foot apartment...where did someone find a place so big?!

friendship

2007-09-26T09:43:00.000-05:00

all relationships change over time. i understand this not only conceptually but in practice as well. there are all sorts of curve balls life throws at us, which take time to undstand, assimilate, work through, etc. and during those times our friendships may lag or be less solid than they once were.

but what do you do with friendships that appear to be more and more one-sided, where one party is doing much of the emotional legwork in keeping up the relationship? how long do you ride it out? when, if ever, do you say something?

boy, this stuff is hard work.

san diego mayor

2007-09-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

please watch this.

happy new year!

2007-09-12T09:57:00.001-05:00

l'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem / tikatevi v'taihatemi!

when i stepped out of the shala this morning, i was moved by the day's beauty -- cool, crisp like an apple, with cotton candy clouds rolling by. i walked up to union square feeling subdued but peaceful -- the entire walk i silently repeated, i am so lucky. what a perfect way to end the year.

the gurlfriend is in cali this week, so i'll be celebrating rosh hashanah solo. on the way home from work i'll pick up some new varieties of apple and a couple different honeys from a local apiary. the plan is to create an apple tasting menu for tonight's celebratory meal.

here's to a year filled with health, happiness and peace for all. l'chaim!

hi.

2007-08-15T09:09:00.001-05:00

nothing earth-shattering to write today. just felt like visiting the trusty ole' blog.

happy wednesday.

7 steps

2007-08-09T15:33:00.000-05:00

from the seattle times letter to the editor:

7-step program

This is so easy, maybe even Congress could do it.

How To Start Each Day With A Positive Outlook:

1. Open a new folder on your computer.

2. Name it "George W. Bush."

3. Send it to the trash.

4. Empty the trash.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of 'George W. Bush'?"

6. Firmly click "Yes."

7. Feel better.

P.S.: Tomorrow we'll do Dick Cheney.

— Twig Menne, Edmonds, Seattle Times

best pet name EVER

2007-08-08T15:45:00.000-05:00

my parents' friends (a jewish couple from the computer world) have a cat. the cat's a scottish fold, meaning that the cat's ears naturally fold down rather than point up. so, what did they name their cat?

drumroll, please

...

...

their little fluffball is named "folda myear."

that definitely wins the "best pet name" award.

so close i can taste it

2007-08-06T12:46:00.000-05:00

we're talking weeks now, not months. i'm so close to that point when i start free falling in real life, not just in trapeze school.

in the meantime, i'm enjoying the view from my new office on a higher floor. i was recently upgraded from a 1-window to 2-window office. someday i will describe the windowed-office hierarchy at big nyc law firms. for the time being, i have a kick-a$$ view of the rockefeller center skating rink, chrysler and empire state buildings, and hudson river. i worked hard and earned the view. but i'm now ready for a different perspective. one where i turn my face up to the sky rather than angle my nose down to the world.

i'm like peter pan

2007-07-07T06:04:00.000-05:00

except without the silly green outfit:

take off

knee hang

back flip

i like flying!

1 july 97 - 1 july 07

2007-06-30T20:50:00.000-05:00

happy tenth, baby. ani ohevet otakh.

(possibly no longer) separate but (hopefully closer to) equal

2007-06-21T13:15:00.000-05:00

so, our state assembly did an awesome thing the other night by passing this beauty of a bill.

then certain members of the politic have to put their spiritual foots in their mouths.

i keep forgetting, so please explain one more time: how exactly does my 10-year-strong loving commitment to my girlfriend harm the institution of straight marriage? cuz, uh, the evidence sorta points the other way...

friday quote

2007-05-25T10:43:00.000-05:00

happy almost-long weekend! manhattan has really stepped up to the plate today with gorgeous weather. it's a crime i'm indoors, but soon enough it'll be me, my too-big bike, and the breeze off the hudson floating by.

enjoy the weekend. i'll close with a quote:

"it is better to have loved a short woman than never to have loved a tall."
-- anonymous

8 random things

2007-05-24T08:31:00.000-05:00

i'm it. jenna tagged me with the "8 random things" meme (sidenote: what the heck does meme stand for?) , so i've been wracking my brain for anything worth mentioning.

don't know if i succeeded, but here goes:

1. i peel almost all my food. i peel grapes. i peel the chocolate off peanut m&ms (see, the chocolate tastes different than the plain ole' m&ms. and who likes peanuts? blech!). i peel pizza (cheese first, then bottom, then crust). i peel frosted cake. if a food item has more than 1 layer, i probably peel it.

2. i don't like furniture. i prefer the floor to almost anything.

3. i was born in las vegas. lived there until i was 13.

4. i performed at carnegie hall.

5. i've always wanted to be a dancer. i took ballet for about 5 minutes when i was 4, but shortly thereafter violin took over. i daydream about leaving my professional life behind and taking dance classes all day.

6. i embarass easily (and turn 8 shades of red in the process). but i'm a good public speaker. go figure.

7. the one celebrity i really really want to meet is bono. i'm a closet U2 fan.

8. for the longest time, i thought the big highway construction project in boston was called the "big dick," not the big dig. needless to say, i embarassed myself with that one more than once.

i don't think i know 8 public blogs that haven't yet been tagged, so i'm opting out of that portion.

dessert

2007-05-08T09:48:00.000-05:00

sometimes, practice feels like the plate full of veggies i dutifully slog through so i can get to dessert -- a blissful, dead-to-the-world nap.

2007-04-23T10:52:00.000-05:00

my mom emailed me a quote this morning:

“Until one is committed, there is always hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sort of things occur to help that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising to one’s favor all manner of unforeseen accidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

--Goethe

okay, i get the picture :-D

same ole' same ole'

2007-04-19T08:03:00.000-05:00

warning: this post is a regurgitation of the same stuff i've been posting on and off for the past ... well, since i started the blog.

---

okay. i'm done with the law firm gig. i mentally checked out awhile ago. but now i'm really serious about physically leaving. i don't have a back up plan. i can't pay for insurance once i quit. i have no clue what i'll do professionally when i leave this job. but this has been my life for the past month:

(1) drop into bed at 10 pm.
(2) toss and turn all night. wake up multiple times, sometimes with stomachaches, sometimes with tears streaming down my cheeks (although i have no clue what i was dreaming about).
(3) drag my sorry a$$ out of bed at 6am.
(4) forego yoga practice. i practiced maybe 5 times in the past month.
(5) talk myself into going to work. walk to the office building entrance, take a deep breath, walk in.
(6) get to my office, shut the door, and start crying.

i know i sound like a broken record, but this really just proves how much umph i need to make a change. because known hell is less scary than unknown bliss.

i have some unfinished business at work; once that's done, i'm done. and this time i mean it.

even if it means i forego medical insurance.

or shala fees.

my happiness is well worth the price.

random thoughts on a dreary monday morning

2007-04-16T11:08:00.000-05:00

instant karma -- we had a package delivered on friday. instead of walking up to our door, knocking, and handing over the box (filled with small glass vials of expensive medicine), mr. postman utilized the drop-kick method from down the hall. 15 minutes later when the gurlfriend left the building, she found him cursing in front of his postal van. he'd locked himself out. that whole "goes around, comes around" phenomenon is a bitch, eh?

i waded to work today. you remember those slides from an inconvenient truth where lower manhattan's under water? not that big a stretch of the imagination this morning.

after speaking with a few folks, it appears that the only way to cure PISD (post-india stress disorder) is to go back. so i'm going back. that was easy. i'll figure out the rest once i return. BUT this time i'm smuggling the gurlfriend with me. kerala, here i come.

nonconsumption sucks. everything in our capitalistic existence revolves around money. especially spending it. doubly especially in cold weather. wah. in the interest of saving my sanity, i carved out 3 excpetions to our nonbuying: (1) filing fees for wedding (if we're gonna get the state involved in our relationship, we're doing the real deal. civil unions aren't it. so we're going to canada. i'm still dealing with my feelings about participating in such an historically hetero- and sexist exercise, but that's for another day); (2) [modest and inexpensive] party to celebrate our 10th anniversary; (3) tickets to india. none of these are "necessary" but january 1st is a looooooong way down the road. and as i said above, i enjoy my sanity.

ain't that dandy

2007-04-12T13:36:00.000-05:00

i had an epiphany today. i self-sabotage. it doesn't make sense, but there it is. some unconscious protective action playing out. most recently, i've been doing it at work without realizing it. making silly mistakes over and over and being caught completely off guard when they are revealed.

i can think of a few stellar previous life occasions where i employed this auto-passive-aggressive trait. i guess when i feel trapped, my crocodile brain takes over and ... well, things get interesting.

i finally admit it:

2007-04-04T06:23:00.000-05:00

i'm in a rut. and have been since i returned from india. i simply can't get out of bed in the mornings before 6:30. for 5 days in a row i unconsciously turned off my 3:30am alarm. and woke up at 6:30 cursing up a storm.

tomorrow will be my first practice after a week off. and this is the second week-long hiatus i've taken since january. i walk around in a haze most of the day. i've been eating more than i usually do, without generally tasting the food. but why now, in spite of the incredible, beautiful, positive things in my life?

it doesn't make sense. in the last month alone, i:

(1) met our gorgeous neice
(2) played a stradivarius. twice. and was unexpectedly filmed doing so.
(3) am planning our 10 year anniversary AND legal civil union ceremony with the gurlfriend
(4) went to a part time schedule at work
(5) ran into 2 former juilliard classmates, one of whom asked if i'd like to play a concert this may -- on my birthday, no less -- at avery fisher hall.

each individual item on the above list is enough to make me do cartwheels up and down the apartment for weeks. so why would i be in a rut now?*

* this is a somewhat rhetorical question.

hee hee

2007-04-02T10:25:00.000-05:00

i did it again. i'm swooning over 300 year old wood.

what a great way to start the passover festivities?!

holy @!$%&@# batman!

2007-03-31T13:02:00.000-05:00

what did i do today, you ask?

i stopped by christie's and played this beauty. for 15 minutes. and one of the employees kindly informed me that i should come back tomorrow morning to visit my new best friend before it hits the auction block monday morning.

unfortunately, i think a stradavarius is probably a nonconsumption item. but if someone felt like bidding on the most beautiful instrument i've ever held or played, i promise to take really, really, really, really good care of it for you!!!

going to the jp and we're

2007-03-30T10:15:00.000-05:00

go-nna get u-u-un-ioned...

8 limbs

2007-03-28T13:29:00.000-05:00

sometimes it's easy for me to forget the first 2 limbs of ashtanga. partly because they are really freakin' hard to practice on a daily basis. partly because, as much as i hate to admit this, i forget (most common scenario: rush hour subway ride home and impatient, hungry me simply wanting to be. home. now.). partly because they involve that darned "inner work" -- you know, the etheral inner growth stuff that i can't physically chart. like measuring fog.

however, i've always wondered if the yamas and niyamas were listed as the 1st and 2nd limbs because ultimately, success in the other 6 limbs hinges on mastering them.

food for thought on this gorgeous tuesday afternoon...

2007-03-24T10:44:00.000-05:00

how is it that everything is permanent and impermanent at the same time?

life life life

2007-03-23T07:44:00.000-05:00

the latest test results show that i have slight jaundice, inflammation, and ketones in my urine. i know there's a lesson in all this. besides wanting to scream my f***ing head off.

as a result, i decided to go to a partially reduced schedule at work (i'll be working from home one day a week and will be responsible for 80% of the minimum annual billable hours, or about 1800 a year), but i must start thinking hard about the changes i absolutely HAVE to implement in my life. a really difficult one for me is the possibility of leaving my beloved new york city. at least for a little while. the city is such an incredibly magnetic place, but sometimes that magnetism pulls me away from the healthy lifestyle i must maintain in order to stay healthy.

in an email conversation, i pointed out to a friend that i envisioned my trip to india as the bandaid that would fix everything in my life. instead it feels like the trip ripped the bandage off a festering wound that i can no longer ignore. my time away highlighted all the things i do in my life that i don't love doing because i feel obligated or lazy or scared. and it's hard -- no, impossible -- to ignore those facts once they became so apparent.

this whole "awareness" gig can be such a drag sometimes ... but, so can illness.

i found it.

2007-03-22T07:39:00.000-05:00

if you don't really know where the psoas muscle is located (i surely couldn't have put a finger on it before this week), just pull the crap out of it. you'll soon discover that it is a major helper in every single asana.

one sentence stories

2007-03-15T07:45:00.000-05:00

i got the idea from this website. and i LOVE it. what is your one sentence story?

although i agonized about the decision for weeks or perhaps months, when the front door closed behind me for the final time i felt a lightness, a quickness in my step i thought i'd permanently lost.

missing:

2007-03-14T13:00:00.000-05:00

my self esteem. it started taking regular beatings a little over 5 years ago, was subtly but soundly pummeled this week, and has since disappeared. i can't find it anywhere and its absense is sorely missed.

hefty reward for anyone who finds it.

it's a girl!

2007-03-06T09:55:00.000-05:00

e & h had their baby last night. 6 lbs, 12 oz. we're east coast aunties!!!

empirical evidence

2007-03-05T15:22:00.000-05:00

if i wasn't convinced that lupus is at least partially stress-induced before, i am now. here's the cliff notes version of moi's medical odyssey:

(1) 2003-2007: for the 4 years i had lupus, not once did the disease go into remission despite various western and eastern medical techniques.

(2) january 2007: the first blood test after my return from india (where i spent 4 months not working, not living in the big apple, and not worrying about a damn thing) showed that for the first time since i was diagnosed, all my tests were in the normal range. finally, finally! i'm in remission.

(3) this past weekend: i've been at work over a month, back in the city almost 2. thursday and friday i had fevers and nausea. on saturday afternoon, the gurlfriend noticed some unsettling lupus symptoms. i am awarded with emergency doctors' appointments the rest of the week.

time to seriously work on that exit strategy. *&!#@

ever practice next to a waterfall?

2007-03-02T08:23:00.000-05:00

i hadn't until this morning, except the waterfall was a spontaneous one that had opened up from the shala ceiling and gently showered the floor and walls with brown roofwater. not the most opportune place for aquatic ambience. and underwater ashtanga is totally overrated.

calling all great thinkers

2007-03-01T07:05:00.000-05:00

yesterday was the first official post-india work meltdown. i felt like i could do nothing right, and that was pretty much the only conclusion i came to that was right. and now it's looking like yesterday's black cloud is spilling over to today as well.

i've written variations on this theme a million times on my blog since its inception, i know, but please bear with me. this is a desperate call out to Folks with Ideas. particularly those who know my personality, strengths and weaknesses (fyi: legal work is a weakness). i need real ideas that i could put into play. at that point i need ideas of how to make money doing something that i love (or even like, i'm not so picky) that wouldn't give me ulcers or panic attacks on a daily basis would be really really really welcome right now.

thanks in advance.

multiple choice questionnaire

2007-02-28T09:45:00.000-05:00

so much stuff is floating around in this head o' mine. i've been thinking about the future again, which is NEVER safe and virtually always amounts to me spending countless hours looking up millions of ideas on the web and getting absolutely zero done at work. not such a great idea today, as it's billable hours crunch day.

but, i digress.

onto much more exciting stuff, like the ideas i'm floating right now:

(1) put all this money i'm "saving" from non-consuming into an account. at the end of the year, go traveling for as long as i can, ideally for 12 months.

(2) go back to school. yes, i said it. i've been thinking this one for a looooooong time, but hadn't voiced it outloud except to the gurlfriend. i'd originally wanted to get a jd/phd, but the whole law school gig got in the way. perhaps it's time to get the phd. the topic? it's a secret for the time being.

(3) move. the gurlfriend is happily in grad school at cuny queens college, so it wouldn't be for another year or 2. but with a 0.97 percent vacancy rate in manhattan (which is UP from this time last year) and rents going through the roof, soon we won't have a choice. the question is where. brooklyn, seattle, london, tuscany?

(4) screw all the planning, quit my job, join a commune, and crochet scarves (well, hot pad holders. i'm too impatient for scarves) to barter for room and board.

hmm, maybe all this hanging around upside down is affecting my brain.

conspiracy theory

2007-02-27T11:04:00.000-05:00

the weather, the cats and the employer conspired this morning to keep me from practice. and because of work that came in at 10:29, i wasn't able to slip out at 10:30 to have a little lunchtime rendevous with my favorite shala. such is life sometimes.

the nonconsumption goes. accompanied by lots of grumbling from yours truly. and a few moments of weakness. mostly concerning a favorite neighborhood-bodega veggie burrito. oh, and i discovered upon my return from india that during one of my "let's get rid of everything cuz all we need is love...and maybe a yoga mat" phases, i managed to donate my entire work wardrobe. save for 2 lonely pairs of pants. needless to say, those trousers have been seeing a lot of wear these past several weeks. friends are attempting to convince me that work shopping could in fact be classified as a necessary consumption. i'm not buying it yet, but i may be convinced come may when my 2 work items have several holes in them. especially since the grunge look doesn't seem to be catching on too well at my midtown law firm.

inspiration

2007-02-22T08:58:00.000-05:00

had a rough morning, so i decided a little martha graham was in order:

"there is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated
through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time,
this expression is unique. and if you block it, it will never exist through any
other medium and be lost."

consumption junction,

2007-02-20T13:06:00.000-05:00

what's your function?
entertaining, satisfying and socializing...

so, 3 weeks of this whole nonconsumption bit and i've realized a few things:

(1) it's hard not to consume;

(2) we live in a world where virtually everything revolves around spending money. hanging out with friends costs -- going to a movie, an art exhibit, dinner, out for coffee (ever try chatting with a friend in a cafe without purchasing something? it's a practice that's not universally approved by waitstaff). maybe i'm particularly feeling this one since it's february and the inexpensive options such as walking in the park or sitting on a bench overloooking the hudson are sorta out of the question. and there are plenty of free things to do in the city, but those take time and sometimes inconvenience (getting there, getting back, etc) and many of my friends spend so many hours at their jobs that they willingly pay extra for convenience and efficiency during their socializing hours.

(3) harder than not consuming is having to explain that i'm not consuming over and over again, every time i'm invited to something that costs money. i'm constantly coming out about my social experiment and as a result, have had to face some issues i harbor re: money, and relying on others.

these next 10 months are not gonna be easy. telling, yes. easy, no.

where has my willpower gone?

2007-02-19T14:43:00.000-05:00

a weekend spent listening to the persistent devilish side of my brain, which consistently gets me into trouble.

i broke my non-consumption pact by ordering a veggie burrito from the neighborhood mexican dive on friday night.

this was followed by saturday's healthy dinner, which consisted of a bag of cookies and a spirulina drink...you know, to counteract the chocolate chips.

this morning i was feeling so good (perhaps due to my nutrition-dense meals the past few days?) that i spent a few hours gazing longingly at the yoga mat without actually unrolling it. unfortunately, the body doesn't feel quite as supple if one doesn't physically practice. funny, that.

at first i blamed my three-day insanity on fred.* now i'm thinking perhaps my willpower went somewhere warm for the three-day weekend and left my juvenile mind in charge. what was it thinking?

-----

* have i mentioned fred? he's my buddy. someone i picked up in india. some would call him a "parasite" but i instead think of him as a squatter, someone who is looking for a more suitable living situation but simply hasn't found it yet. i've introduced him to some real estate brokers and craigslist, so it's only a matter of time before he's off on a new digestive adventure.

the gurlfriend swears i must have transported a few of his friends because "parasites" are known to travel in packs, but i don't buy it. i'm sticking with the firm belief that i have only one intestinal roommate.

rebel

2007-02-16T15:24:00.000-05:00

today i discovered i can defy gravity. it was pretty groovy.

high flying

2007-02-15T12:59:00.000-05:00

during conference one time, sharath talked about how important it is for us to practice every day. even when we don't want to. even when we're tired or hungry or upset or sick. even if we have broken bones or hearts or bodies or immune systems. the only time we don't practice is when we have a fever.

part of the reason it's so important for us to practice every day is because it's usually those days we least want to practice that the most awesome (in every sense of the word) pratices occur. we never know what the practice will bring when we step on the mat. like judging a book by its cover and all that.

this was definitely my experience this morning. i'm still high from practice. gosh, i just love yoga!

i'd write about law firm life,

2007-02-13T10:44:00.000-05:00

but why do it when someone else has captured the essence so perfectly the tears running down my face are only partly due to my laughing so hard...

predicament

2007-02-09T08:31:00.000-05:00

the release date for the 7th harry potter book was recently announced. so, is harry potter a necessary purchase?

aha!

2007-02-08T12:30:00.000-05:00

we're not in india anymore, toto. i don't think i can call it "culture shock" when it's lasted a month. and when it involves shunning This and coveting That. perhaps a more appropriate term would be "not living in the present moment." because it's dawining on me that when i play the "if i were in india, i'd be ___" game, i ALWAYS lose. and what's the fun in that?

so here's the trick: maintain the sense of relaxedness (yes, it is a word. even if i just invented it), of focus, of peace i rediscovered while away, and implement that into my life here in the big apple. the good news is i get to practice the integration every day, sorta like yoga. wait, exactly like yoga. ohhhhh, now i get it.

brrr and wah

2007-02-05T13:13:00.000-05:00

it's frrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeezing outside. teeth-rattling cold. muscle-spasming cold. silly cold. i am drowning in a sea of herbal tea and soup in a mad attempt to keep myself warm, but i fear i am losing the battle.

emotionally, i'm a mess today. tired, headachy, weepy, crabby. this whole non-comsumption thing SUCKS when all you want is a little chocolate to get through the day. or a plane ticket back to india.

okay, enough whining. i must get back to work. yippee!

day 2

2007-02-02T12:17:00.000-05:00

day 2 of my non-consuming existence and so far, this is easy as (an unpurchased) pie. a few ladies in the office were going around collecting for the american heart association this morning, and of course i had to donate. but other than that, i haven't spent an unnecessary dime! however, today is grocery shopping day, so it'll be time to flex those will-power muscles and restrain the spending reflexes.

oh, and my body a-c-h-e-s. i haven't been to practice once this week -- settling into the whole working-again-gurlfriend-going-to-grad-school schedule has thrown me for a loop. i've decided the best thing to do for myself regarding the missing yoga practice is to be loving, kind, gentle to myself. accordingly, i've added guilt, some guilt, and a side of guilt to my daily inner-head talk. considering this guilt talk started on tuesday, it obviously motivated me to get my ass to practice wednesday and thursday... maybe i'll try a different tactic next week.

day 1 of not consuming

2007-02-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

aside from the fact that all of a sudden i felt the strongest desire to buy everything i laid eyes on this morning on the way to work, day one of Not Consuming isn't going so badly. of course, it's not even 10am yet.

-----

* by "not consuming" i mean not purchasing with money. i will gladly continue to consume arts, music, entertainment, experiences, emotions, etc. i just won't pay for the honor.

** by "unnecessary" i mean things that are really really really really really hard to rationalize. the gurlfriend and i have carved out some exceptions. for instance, i still will purchase bodywork once a month. my ayurvedic medicines and some specialty food items (like evening primrose oil and flax seeds) will be included. certain items that would make the gurlfriend's grad school life easier, like accordian files and a printer that actually prints, will be included. the others, those things that make us happy but ultimately poorer, fall in the gray category and must be thoroughly discussed before purchasing. we've already outlawed most prebaked/premade items -- veggie burgers, fig newmans (which have crack in them, i'm sure of it), fancy shmancy flavored yogurt. bread is an on-the-fence item: do we really need bread? couldn't we make it? what sorts of bread should be included? $2 reg'lar ole' whole wheat or the $6 pullman bread from balthazar's?

yoga is definitely a necessary item, so that's not even up for discussion. but what about when, in 3 months, the yoga mat falls apart, not to the point of complete and utter uselessness, but to the point that i shower myself and my neighbors with little flakes of lavendar snow...do i purchase a new mat or do i slug through until the mat has more holes than swiss cheese?

oy oy oy.

old habits die hard,

2007-01-31T10:34:00.000-05:00

even when they've been on hiatus for 4+ months.

it's terribly tempting to fall back into old patterns. i feel the stress creeping into my system as i type. the familiar ache in my gut is back (although that could partly be fred...long story), my heart palpitates every time my phone rings. so, what does this say about me? what tools did i learn while i was away to help me deal with my current life arrangements?

ultimately, i simply need to decide one of three things: (1) change my situation; (2) change my outlook; (3) all of the above.

speaking of changes, tomorrow is february 1st. the first day of our 11-month consumer revolution. should be interesting!

first day back

2007-01-30T10:26:00.000-05:00

today is my first day in the office since september '06. part of me feels like my trip to india was just a dream, that i didn't actually fly halfway across the world and spend almost 4 months healing myself. the other part feels like some of me stayed behind and didn't board the plane in bangalore.

so many things to relearn this morning. i forgot what floor i work on. i forgot how to access my voicemail. i forgot which client is which and who is suing whom for what reason. i forgot what i was working on before i left. i forgot what some of the legal jargon means. it'll take me awhile to ease myself back in. but i sorta don't want to ease. i like being the relaxed, glowing smile in a sea of pasty, pinched faces. it reminds me why i went on my trip in the first place.

one breath at a time, though. no sense in getting ahead of myself.

reacclimating

2007-01-19T11:25:00.000-05:00

it's officially winter in nyc. my body is readjusting to the vast climate change. last week i was in 85 degree weather; this week, i'm shivering in 35 degrees. i won't mention which temperature i prefer.

the culture shock is gradually wearing off as well. i am still the slowpoke meandering down the sidewalk or ambling through the subway doors when everyone around me is zooming by on their way to Serious Things, based on Important Timetables. i have forgotten how to multi-task, and i find myself watching in awe as fellow new yorkers engage in conversation while simultaneously typing away on a blackberry and walking the dog. i'm also remembering how to use my cell phone and that when it rings, i'm supposed to answer it. and that "hi, how're you doin'?" doesn't mean we should stop and have a discussion about how i am doing, but instead indicates that saying "fine, how are you?" while speedwalking away is the appropriate response.

it is SO nice to be back in my home shala with eddie and the crew, though. i really missed that place while i was away. and i needn't mention again how much i missed the gurlfriend and kitties.

home sweet home

2007-01-12T14:03:00.000-05:00

what an incredible 3 1/2 months. 3 days ago i was in bangalore. now, i'm looking out my apartment window at the george washington bridge and listening to the subway rumble by.

it's gonna take me awhile to reacclimate to western life. i am so happy to be reunited with the gurlfriend, not sure how i feel about being back home. however, my beloved nyc had a facelift while i was gone -- it became much less polluted, dirty and noisy in the past couple months.

i'm incredibly jet lagged so i'll keep this brief. one thing is for sure: i've been bitten by the india bug. i'm already planning the next trip, this time with gurlfriend in tow.

hmm

2006-11-13T21:18:00.000-05:00

india is intense. i don't really know how to put my experiences into words, any words that would even begin to explain. for now i'm going to simply sit with my experiences, not try to quantify them or reduce them to words. let them marinate.

so much to do!

2006-10-04T01:24:00.000-05:00

i go from practice to eating to more eating to yet more eating with some interesting sightseeing thrown in for a change of pace. the food here is absolutely incredible. i've never eaten so well in my life, or so much!

today is a strike, so the whole city is shut down. it's quiet and peaceful and i love it because i don't feel forced to go to city center to do the myriad tasks i need to complete at some point!

practice is intense as usual. i am amazed at how powerful the space is. it's sort of like the kotel (wailing wall); i'd always imagined it would be nice to see/visit, but wasn't nearly prepared for how it emotionally rocked me. same here. and guruji is quite chipper these days, running from person to person, grinning and cracking jokes, backbending with furor.

my second home is anu and ganesh's, a wonderful couple who provide us homesick ashtangis with internet access, international phone calls, and yet more incredible food and beverage. i am in love with their banana smoothies. i wish the gurlfriend could try them. i know she'd love them just as much.

yesterday we ventured into lakshmipuram, where the old shala was. it's more what i envisioned mysore to be. we went to aunties for lunch and the famous 3 sisters for lassis (oh-my-g_d. those lassis were incredible. their prized saffron lassi recipe is highly guarded. that means i won't be able to recreate it in the states, which is a real shame). they are 3 of the most beautiful women i've ever met. they shine happiness and peace. i feel blessed when i am in their presence. and they just love eddie! when i told them i was his student, harini (the middle sister) whipped out photo albums to show me pics of eddie and their family, eddie and his family, etc. eddie has been such a positive force in so many locals' lives.

since there's a strike today, i'm going to do a few things at home before, what else, eating lunch. i don't know how i will leave this place without 20 extra pounds :-D

settling in

2006-10-02T00:39:00.000-05:00

i moved into my flat and survived my first practice. i'm starting to find a schedule and hopefully my internal clock will follow...i'd never really bought into the whole "jetlag" idea before this trip! let me tell you, it exists.
i finally met guy and lori, since they are my downstairs neighbors. they've both been incredibly helpful in assisting me with my various "how does this work" questions.
today is a big lunch for sharath so i must go pick from my 3 items of clothing which is the most presentable.

i have to keep pinching myself

2006-09-30T06:40:00.000-05:00

to remember this isn't a dream.

after many (necessary) hours of sleeping, i feel sort-of human again. and i love it here. india really reminds me of israel, it's no surprise so many israelis move to india for periods of time. the markets, the life filled with coexisting extremes, feeling drunk from sensory overloads. the kindhearted pushiness and nosiness of the people. the tailor we went to today to have some clothing made gave us a ride to gokulam, where he is building a house for yoga folks ("nowember 10th is opening. are you being here nowember 10th? good, you come!") and proudly showed off the almost-finished product.

even with all the desara festivities underway, we ventured to the devaraja market and ashok's bookstore. the market reminded me so much of shuk ha-carmel in tel aviv. except i couldn't identify most of the veggies. big piles of bumpy, vicious-looking cucumbers, some sort of squash that looked vaugely like chayote, bitter gourd, the cutest pomegranates, 3-foot long okra-ey things, and of course many sweets. mysoreans like sweets, which suits me just fine!

tomorrow will be my first practice. i must be at the shala at 5am, which i think might mean 4:45 because the shala clock struck me as extraordinarily fast. monday is a holiday, so i get to start off easy (luckily. my tush feels permanently molded in the shape of a very small british airways plane seat. and my neck? fuggetaboutit. i must find the name of the person who gives castor oil massage).

v, i met louise at ashok's and again at the tailors. we didn't get to talk much but i'll be sure to chat with her more the next time i see her!

mysore

2006-09-29T01:49:00.000-05:00

i'm here. in mysore. total travel time from my apartment to the green hotel was approx 30 hours. i slept about 2. needless to say, i'm a bit overwhelmed, cranky, and homesick. but also awed. this is a fascinating country. we survived the cab ride from bangalore to mysore where water buffalo, brahmin cows, pedestrians, scooterists, bicyclists, autorickshaws, cars, busses and trucks all share the road and no rules apply (at least none that i can discern). red lights and lanes are merely decorative. we saw only 2 car accidents on the drive, and our quite humorous driver kept saying "that's to be expected. i was prepared for that" whenever we almost skidded off the road, hit another vehicle or went from 120 km to 0 in less than 1/2 a second.

the chai is starting to kick in, so i'm feeling a 2nd (or maybe 3rd) wind. the goal is to get registered this afternoon and then drop from exhaustion. since tomorrow's saturday, i can sleep as long as i need to this evening.

are we there yet?

2006-09-28T06:31:00.000-05:00

the combination of sleep deprivation, emotional roller coastering, and airplane food have me quite ready to be on the 2nd leg of my flight and *that* much closer to mysore. heathrow is a zoo, but it does appear to be international lesbian travel day. is there a pride fest i haven:t heard about?

must go get some coffee and freshen up a bit.

gurlfriend, next time i am sticking you and the kitties in my luggage:-D

graduation

2006-09-24T10:56:00.000-05:00

i must have been more organized about this trip than i realized because i'm basically done with packing and errand-running. there are a couple things i want to pick up before i head out but because i'm bringing so little with me, the preparations have been smooth. and the next 3 days are totally dedicated to spending time with the gurlfriend. gotta soak up these minutes together!

i had an awesome post-practice brunch with lots of good friends this morning. it was a great send-off (and for carolyn, too, since she heads west next week!). and kjs has offered to throw me a welcome-back brunch in january, which i'm already looking forward to :-D

the first couple days of the new year have been stellar. it'll be so exciting to see how the rest of the year unfolds!

happy new year

2006-09-22T10:58:00.000-05:00

the year 5767 is off to a great start. i feel like i've hit my stride, and i like it.

not working agrees with me. as does an upcoming adventure. i am feeling wonderfully (and perhaps surprisingly) calm and excited about my trip.

shanah tovah!

2006-09-20T06:49:00.000-05:00

i'm leaving on a jet plane...in exactly one week. wowzers. i'm feeling suspiciously calm and okey dokey about everything. the reality of my trip may not hit me until i'm on the plane headed to far away lands.

on an unrelated note, yesterday i re-read one of john stuart mill's quotes that goes something like "men don't want to be rich, just richer than everyone else." yeah...that sounds about right. i see this all the time in law. on the subway (just observe the jockeying-for-seats-or-prime-standing-position-dance that goes on every rush hour). hell, even (or perhaps particularly) at the yoga school.

off to enjoy my lady and the beautiful nyc weather.

my coworkers are so cool

2006-09-15T13:39:00.000-05:00

i just came back from one of the best lunches i've ever had. and it wasn't the food. it was the outpouring of well wishes from all my coworkers. they bought me the book "holy cow" to read on the plane. and i am expected to provide reg'lar email updates during my travels.

cake (from a friend) and a lil' concert (provided by yours truly) are next on the agenda. then it's a looooooong weekend for me. a 119-day weekend to be exact.

holy crapola, batman!

2006-09-15T10:24:00.000-05:00

now that work will no longer be filling the hours, it's time to prepare for imminent departure. i'll be glued to the gurlfriend's side the next 10 days, storing up our togetherness memories for those impossible-to-avoid meltdowns abroad. but thank goodness for the gazillion different types of communication devices at our fingertips. blackberries, internet messenger, skype...what more could a lonely lady want?

seriously, though. i'm really looking forward to starting this next leg of my life journey, no matter how cheesy that sounds.

one to go

2006-09-14T13:51:00.000-05:00

tomorrow's my last day of work until 2007.

surprise!

2006-09-13T11:13:00.000-05:00

a few last-minute health issues to deal with before my departure. i figured the planning couldn't be entirely smooth-sailing; there's not enough excitement without a few surprises thrown in.

luckily, it's nothing that will derail my travel plans. but it does mean i'll have to be perhaps more attentive to my health needs while abroad.

gotta hand it to this L-word...just as much drama as its television counterpart.

mmm hmm

2006-09-12T12:38:00.000-05:00

blah. blah blah blah. blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah? blah, blah blah blah!

sometimes i think that's what others hear when i speak. and sometimes i think that's exactly what i'm saying.

REW

Motivation

Harder than I remember

A little hiatus

trapeze!

international human rights day

pink

keith olbermann on Prop 8

why gay marriage is important

yes he did, and no we didn't

VOTE!

election day

music

musical chairs

colbert

queer studies

hooked

happy anniversary

first week

nearing the end

storytime

6/6

jay leno: hate isn't funny, dude

trapeze!

night of renegades

v day

disturbing

yoga is a joke

solomon and dora

in search of a good book

what a freakin month

vacacion

ouch

read me

i didn't think it was possible,

the uglies

a true new yorker

friendship

san diego mayor

happy new year!

hi.

7 steps

best pet name EVER

so close i can taste it

i'm like peter pan

1 july 97 - 1 july 07

(possibly no longer) separate but (hopefully closer to) equal

friday quote

8 random things

dessert

same ole' same ole'

random thoughts on a dreary monday morning

ain't that dandy

i finally admit it:

hee hee

holy *@!$%&@*# batman!

going to the jp and we're

8 limbs

life life life

i found it.

one sentence stories

missing:

it's a girl!

empirical evidence

ever practice next to a waterfall?

calling all great thinkers

multiple choice questionnaire

conspiracy theory

inspiration

consumption junction,

where has my willpower gone?

rebel

high flying

i'd write about law firm life,

predicament

aha!

brrr and wah

day 2

day 1 of not consuming

old habits die hard,

holy @!$%&@# batman!